Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
