So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
