I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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