Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
