Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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