Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
