it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
