I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
