I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
