theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
