**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
