why didn't you poke me back
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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