I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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