mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
