how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
