I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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