does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
