i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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