i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
