he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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