dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
