An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
