I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize