We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
