I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
