Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
