I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
