I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
