I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i've created a new STD.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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