You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
