At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
