what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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