I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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