If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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