found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Couch. On fire.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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