That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
