We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
