His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
