I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
