I want to have your abortion
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
