She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
