I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
