Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
