and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's never too late to be topless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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