apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
