what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
