i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Randomize
