I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
