You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
