my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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