im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
