Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
