tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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