One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
