So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
